WEEK 29. [the first “baby”]

Anyone who knows me well, knows how much I love my dog. But even those who know that don’t really understand [unless you are equally as in love with your own dog]. Since I haven’t held my baby in my arms yet (although I feel massive love for her already), the only way I can describe the love I have for Lucy must be similar to the love you feel for another human—unconditional. Before you judge me (probably already did!), I realize the love I will feel for my daughter will likely feel significantly stronger than it is for my dog. With that being said…

I am not ashamed of how much I love Lucy because it only proves and shows a glimpse into the amount of love I am capable of sharing and feeling, and that can’t be anything but a good sign as an individual, right? There are days when I am petting/cuddling with her when my throat chokes up and tears well up in my eyes at the thought of potentially forgetting how strong my love is for her once the baby arrives. What if the connection and love I feel towards her diminishes? What if she starts to annoy me because I’m busy trying to take care of a baby? And heaven forbid, what if she hates me!? I don’t know what I’m more worried about… my love for her altering in some way or feeling like she doesn’t love me anymore?

Sometimes I worry about how I’m going to handle (not literally, because of course I can “handle” it) how powerful the love is going to be for my baby. If I love my dog so so so much, worry about her and her safety, and the thought of losing her is unbearable, how am I going to be able to control or handle those same feelings (x 1,000,000) for a tiny little human? I’ll explode and be a ball of anxiety every second of every day!

I know we will have to go through a transition period and adjust to a new normal in the house once Baby Koch arrives, but if there’s one thing that’s for sure, we’re going to do everything we can to keep it just as it is… plus one. We hope to do what we can to make it easier on Lucy to realize what is going on as well. After all, this will be a big deal for her because she currently is our baby and has been since she was a month old. (She was so little, I used to hold her in one arm and sweep the kitchen floor with the other!! SO adorable.) We plan to have someone bring a blanket [that the baby has been wrapped in] from the hospital to our house before we go home so that Lucy can get a good sniff of the new strange scent that will be joining our little “team”. And when we get home, I am plopping that infant seat (which contains the bambino!) right on the floor for Lucy to sniff and even give a big ole puppy kiss to. This little girl will love dogs! My hope is that they will end up being BFFs and our little girly will bring Lucy happiness, even more love, and keep her young at heart. (and vice versa!)

It’s impossible not to love this dog.

lovable.

lovable.

What else is up?

Baby Brain: It’s official, I don’t care what anyone says, this is real. The other morning at work I sat down and turned on my computer, promptly typing in my password only to see it fail to log in. I did it again and again, typing the password I have typed since August. I finally had to look for a sheet of paper where it was written down. Sure as shit, I had forgotten one character in the password. This is proof that baby brain really exists.

Doctor Says: Everything is right on track! Yay! I had the opportunity to ask her lots of questions.. Is the epidural needle really as big as everyone says it is? Will it suck as bad as I think it will? Am I going to feel paralyzed? Should we go to the labor+delivery class? Is there any way you can look at a person’s body structure and know their chances of a C-Section are less likely (not taking into consideration the hundreds of other factors that cause a women to need a C-Section)? Is it ok that I still comfortably sleep on my back? Can I get a massage? Will I squish or smother the baby if I lean over, putting pressure on my belly, too long? What vaccines do you give the baby, what are your views and what information/facts do you know as a doctor about the controversial vaccine epidemic?

Curse of the Curtains [Update]: After all that hard work of fabric choices and asking for opinions, I opted for a whole new fabric. It caught my eye and I went for it without too much thought (of course this would happen!). I think they will look fabulous (fingers crossed). Thanks to those who took the time to give me their opinions!! My sewing-master mother is using her terrific talent to sew the curtains for me, complete with black-out lining so that the little bambino can sleep peacefully in a dark room any hour of the day! Can’t wait to see the final product. She is also sewing me a crib mattress sheet in a super fun, coordinating fabric. (FYI: I do plan to have at least a few crib sheets, not just one.) Check out my super real-looking photoshop skills again… 🙂

progress.

progress.

We got a stroller! I am indescribably disappointed+bummed to have missed the special REI had going… Buy the BOB stroller+carseat adapter, get the carseat FREE ($199 value). Once I get over the fact that it’s another $199 we have to spend, I’ll wipe my tears and be fine. The stroller has been tested+approved by Lucy so we know it’ll be awesome. 🙂

STROLLER

Cory swears my belly keeps getting bigger by the hour. (He’s probably right!)… Or he just looks at me and says “WOAH! Did you eat a big dinner!?” 🙂

29 WEEKS.

29 WEEKS.

Countdown: 67 days to go! When I see that number it really puts things into perspective. Time has been flying by and along with 95% of the population I cannot believe it’s Christmas next week! (Unfortunately, I do have a sneaky suspicion that after Christmas, time will slow down to a snail’s pace, and February 23 won’t come soon enough.)

Anyone else still have 80% of their Christmas shopping to do? Every year I vow to start earlier, like November, and every year I fail miserably.

To end on a positive note, our house has been Christmasfied, complete with a fully decorated, REAL tree, lights on the house, a wreath on the door, and lots of other Christmas touches. (Even our Christmas cards have been sent out!) A Christmas tour blog post is coming soon!

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2 thoughts on “WEEK 29. [the first “baby”]

  1. How did I miss this post?! I *just* looked at your blog this morning, and I swear it wasn’t there!

    Pretty certain your belly is bigger every time I see you, too 🙂

    Don’t worry! Of course you will love lucy just as much as you do now, and of course her and Baby Koch will be BFFs! Great idea bringing a bambino scented blanket home for her to smell before you come home from the hospital!

    ❤ the pony!

  2. I just posted the blog late yesterday, Sis, so you aren’t losing your mind. 🙂 I hope you are right about Lucy! I think so too, but it’s still a worry that crosses my mind sometimes.. ! xoxo

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