life as a mama | a “new normal”

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I knew life would forever be different, but there are no words, no advice, no books, nor countless stories from experienced parents that can prepare you for parenthood. When we got home with Finley, we looked at each other, confused, as if it was our first day of kindergarten, with no clue what to do next. I felt so lost, I wished I was back in the hospital for a couple more days to feel be taken care of. The first few nights, we slept with our lights on (dimmed) because, heaven forbid I couldn’t see my baby if I opened my eyes. Feeding/changing her countless times in the middle of the night was a huge production. Cory and I would both get up, turn on lights, fumble around to make a bottle, get pooped and peed on while changing our crying baby’s diaper. The whole ordeal would take at least an hour. We were zombies during the day the entire first week month. And the first week is when everybody and their brother wants to visit. Bless their hearts.. ๐Ÿ™‚

If this trailer of “Up All Night” doesn’t sum it up, I don’t know what does. I cannot stop laughing when I watch this!

The swearing, the crying, theย wipes… the freaking wipes! They stick together and you can never get just ONE out with one hand while the other hand is holding the baby’s legs so her feet don’t get in the poopy diaper.

Cory and I also had a moment when we looked at each other and said, “We need to get out of the house”. We felt like prisoners in our own home. But, going out in public was also a huge production…ย Was she just fed? Is her diaper clean?ย Is she sleeping?ย Ok, Go! Fast!ย And God help us if she starts crying when we are in a store. It happened in Target and we [sorta] panicked. No one wants to be “the lady with the crying baby”. I stayed in the aisle with the screaming baby while Cory ran to another aisle to get a bottle of water so we could make a bottle for her (see, we weren’t even prepared enough to have a bottle ready in public!). By the time he got back, she had stopped crying. The good news is, when the baby is that little, people just give sad, puppy-dog-eye faces and think it’s so sweet, versus when the child is a little older, you get glares while they think “OMG. Control your bratty little child, lady!”. Can’t wait until those days…

My parents stayed with us the first week. I’m not sure we would have made it through that week without their help. Chances are, Lucy would have starved to death and us to, for that matter. One night, my mom stayed up in the living room while Finley slept in her cradle until she woke up for her first feeding so we could “go to bed” for a couple hours without the anxiety of Finley being next to us, needing us. Something so small, yet so wonderful.

There is no doubt that I wore the same two outfits every day for two months. (I’m sure Cory was really attracted to me.) I was so proud and felt accomplished with each little thing I may have gotten done in one day; whether it be a shower, a prepared meal, or doing the dishes. My biggest milestone that first week was when I figured out how to pump and do my makeup at the same time. First epic fail as a mama: spilling the pumped milk all over the bathroom floor. I could just cry [over spilled milk]!

I’m somewhat ashamed to admit it, but there was a night or two when I woud rock Finley’s cradle with one arm off the side of the bed, telling her to “Go the F to sleep. Please. You are an infant. You are suppose to sleep“, then instantly feel so mean for using the F word directly to my sweet, innocent daughter. (But rest assured, she’s a baby and doesn’t know good from bad [words] yet.)

Though amazing, those first couple months weren’t very glamorous. But, truth is, my life is so much richer and full of love than it’s ever been before. Between a happy marriage to my handsome husband who would do anything for me [and I for him], an adorable dog who is loved more than most dogs [and is part human, I’m pretty sure], and now this healthy, beautiful little baby who is all ours (all ours!!), there is so much love. So much happiness. I feel incredibly lucky+blessed every. single. day.

I mean, does it get much better than this:

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KOCH FAMILY

Finley is just over three months old now and I finally feel like we’ve [sort of] gotten the hang of things. This “new normal” is pretty darn wonderful. She’s been such a good little baby… She rarely cries, loves her nuk, enjoys bath time, smiles when I use the bulb suction to suck boogers out of her little nose every day (seriously!), lets me dress her up in multiple outfits and take way too many pictures of her, and will go from breastfeeding to a bottle [that is only room temperature] with no hesitation. She’s not picky! She’s been smiling since she was four days old and is just one happy, easy going baby! I know the days will come when she’ll seem like the naughtiest little girl in the world (while people glare at me and think I should control my kid), but I’ll still love her to pieces and all the while, still think she’s the best little girl in the world too…

Because she is. ๐Ÿ™‚

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11 thoughts on “life as a mama | a “new normal”

  1. LOVE this, Sis! I’m still laughing over telling her to go the F to sleep… hehe ๐Ÿ™‚ And, she IS the best (and cutest!) little girl in the world! xoxo.

  2. So cute and so true Ami. By the second kid, you’re going to be like “Yeah, my f’ing kid is crying at Target people, deal with it.” Love that Cory sleeps in his CFW shirt ๐Ÿ˜‰

  3. You make it look very easy to be a mama! It’s nice to read that everyone has their difficult days and being a first time parent is not the easiest thing on this earth! I love that there are days that will go by and taking a bath or cooking a meal is the one and only accomplishment for that day…I need to have Mike read this because I feel he thinks I’ll have all the time in the world to do things around the house while I’m on leave (and good for me to hear too so I don’t expect too much from myself!). Thanks for sharing! I feel pretty clueless too and know that we’ll have many of the same thoughts and experiences those first few months. Oh the joys of what’s ahead! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Thanks Danielle!! It’s definitely not easy! I remember when I used to see people out in public with their baby in a carseat and I would think it doesn’t seem or look all that difficult. Now I know. Every time you go somewhere, it’s a huge deal and it’s NOT quick+easy! You make sure BRO knows that you won’t have time (or energy) to get everything done once the new little guy arrives!! And you have to just remind yourself that it’s ok to leave the house messy once in awhile and to let yourself RELAX (or sleep!) when the baby sleeps.

      You will be an amazing mama though, Danielle! There are difficult times, of course, but after those first couple months, things start clicking! Plus, you’ll have so much love for him, you’d do ANYTHING for him, no matter how awful/difficult/time-consuming it is. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m so excited for you!!

      • Thank you Ami! “BRO” and I still have a lot to learn but know it’ll take time to get there! I’m sure we’ll make plenty of mistakes, but will hopefully learn from them! Your blogs have been helpful!

  4. ami,
    This gramma wishes that I would have had a blog like your’s to read when I was a first time momma….it’s so refreshing to hear someone be so honest about your first baby experiences….Finley is one lucky little girl…wonderful momma and daddy!
    Keep up the blog when you have time – Jan and I love reading it!
    Hugs to all …..including Lucy
    Shari

  5. Ahahaha I did the same thing, one arm off the bed ragged and worn as hell telling her to calm the eff down and why the eff aren’t you sleeping? You are changed and fed what more could you want?

  6. Sweet Lord. I have wanted to write down so many times about bringing home our girl but could not find the words. You put it beautifully and I just wanted to say thanks. It’s not been easy – the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but like you said, its the first year of my life that has been so FULL of love. Beautiful post. Thanks for sharing ๐Ÿ™‚ …p.s. our girls are only a couple weeks apart ๐Ÿ™‚

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