twenty-fifteen

Here I am, one month shy of an entire year since I’ve posted here. How sad is that! I love coming here, sharing my thoughts and photos, not only with you, but for myself and for my daughter to look back on years from now.

Being absent here for almost a year can only mean one thing — 2015 was complete craziness. Not only was I absent on my blog, but in a way, from my own life. My days were spent sitting at my desk in an office, working my full time job, and the majority of my evenings were a precise routine of picking up Finley from daycare, making dinner, being a mommy, and then parking my rear end on the couch to work again, this time on freelance projects, the minute Finley went to bed. It was all I could do to keep up. Nothing else mattered. It wasn’t unusual for me to have up to 20 ongoing projects at all times. Everything else seemed to had to  get pushed to the back burner. I would often tell myself that there would be no way I could maintain that lifestyle forever, especially as Finley got older and would have more “activities” in the evenings or when we, God-willingly, bring another child into this world. Plus, I just know there is so much more to life than only doing things to make extra cash.

Here’s the thing, I LOVE my freelance work, I really do. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t do so much of it. But it’s still work, and it’s still taking away from the other things that fill my heart with joy. Freelance work has slowly started to make even my passions feel like too much work — because doing something for “fun” would take up the precious time I had so little of to get my money-paying freelance work done. Even coloring (and I LOVE coloring!) seemed to cause anxiety because I couldn’t finish it fast enough and I’d always feel like I wasn’t using my time wisely enough. That is no way to live, my friends! We only have one life to do all the things that make us the happiest and bring us the most joy.

So, moving forward in 2016, it’s my goal to be more intentional about what work I add to my plate, to focus a whole lot more on me (hello, exercising and making time for eating clean!) and my family (hello, toddler swimming lessons+dance class and date nights with my hubby again!), and doing the fun things that don’t necessarily put money in my pocket. Expect to see more personal photo projects of my two favorite subjects this year too!

With that, before Finley’s third birthday in 19 days (howwwww!?), here’s what her second birthday looked like! Wait til you see how much she’s changed since then…!

2nd Birthday Theme: Vizslas+Sprinkles
“Colorful sprinkles, vizlsa kisses,  & a little girl’s wishes — Finley is turning two!”

2nd Birthday Collage

the days are long, but the years are short.

It’s hard to believe the first photo was taken two years ago, just a short 24 hours before I would see my sweet little baby’s face for the first time. Fast forward two years — her hair fits in piggies and that sweet little baby has become a little girl. In true vizsla fashion, Lucy is close by, making sure to live up to the trademark vizsla nickname — Velcro Dog™.

Remember, “the days are long, but the years are short.”… I still can’t believe I have a two year old daughter and that Lucy will turn nine this summer… My girls… ❤

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DOOR SILHOUETTE 2014 LR BLOG

DOOR SILHOUETTE 2015 LR BLOG

fridays with finley

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That face.

It was a typical evening after work, Lucy was living up to the classic vizlsa nickname, “Velcro Dog”, following me around like she was Velcroed to my hip. Toddlers tend to be the same way so Finley wasn’t far behind. I noticed that Lucy was “smiling”, acting weird, and taking deeps breaths through her nose, the sure tell sign a dog is about to puke. So, I did what is the best solution for this to ensure I don’t have to clean puke off the floor, and guided her into the shower (she goes in like she knows is the place to puke). As she was in there, I must have been staring intently at her and while I was staring at her, Finley must have been staring at me, observing my every move. And, I must have been making a funny face of concern because next thing I knew, Finley was looking at me with this funny lip face saying (also in a funny, low/scruffy/worried voice), “Lucy sick”.

Seriously, this child kills me!

Now, when I make that face at her, she giggles and does it back and immediately says “Ohhh, Lucy sick”, in that same funny voice.

In “Cheers-ing” news, she most recently ran to her playroom, grabbed her wooden camera, and came running over to me, while I was shooting some products for work, to cheers cameras! There also has been cheersing of eyes, toothbrushes, and tummies. What will she cheers next!?

Happy Friday, friends!

fridays with finley

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There are lots and lots of wonderful things about Finley, but one of them is that she plays really well by herself. She has such an imagination already and quietly goes from one thing to another, spending short amounts of time on each thing, like a typical toddler. The other night, while she played for awhile before bedtime, I glanced over at her to see what she was up to. She was placing her baby (My Baby Shivers from when I was little; I remember getting her like it was yesterday.. oh, the excitement!) on top of a Rubbermaid container, then proceeded to tell her “time out!” and walked away, leaving Baby Shivers behind. I about died. She gave her baby a time out!

Sometimes, I think it’s easy to forget just how smart out little toddlers are. They are watching and observing everything we do as adults. (So, yesterday when I hopped in the car to go to work, realizing I was on empty, maybe “shit!” wasn’t my best choice of words?)

As if I couldn’t love her more than I already do, last night as I talked to her at the end of one of her own time outs, she poked me in the cheek and exclaimed “cheek!” and then poked her own cheek and said it again, then said “Cheers!” as she pushed her cheek against mine. Cheers-ing isn’t only for cocktail glasses, in her little mind. I think I like this girl’s imagination…

Cheers!

on being a grown-up

“There are no grown-ups. We suspect this when we are younger, but can confirm it only once we are the ones writing books and attending parent-teacher conferences. Everyone is winging it, some just do it more confidently.”

Occasionally I am taken aback when I think deeply about the fact that I have a child. I have a real-live-human-child-baby who is mine, who depends on me, who I keep alive. I don’t feel old enough to have that responsibility, yet I have it and I do a pretty darn good job if it, I think. I read this blog post a woman wrote about what you “learn in your 40s” and although I have a number of years before I live through my 40s, that quote resonated with me.

All these “adult” responsibilities I have, I do, but half the time I have no idea how. I’m just winging it day in and day out. I think we all are, aren’t we? Who really knows what the hell they are doing when they have their first baby (or their second or their third!)? When I was pregnant with Finley, I would have mini panic attacks wondering how I would know how much to feed her when she was a newborn but then she came and I did it, and she grew like tiny babies do. When she was six months old, I didn’t know if I should give her baby food or how much or even what kind, but the time came and I did it again. And shoes. Does a baby under 12 months really need shoes!? My head always told me I “should” put shoes on her, but the mommy in me said “eff that, she doesn’t need shoes!” So, despite the grief from others, I never put shoes on her (rarely socks, even!). And guess what, she can run with those tiny little feet just like all the other kids her age! Small uncertainties happen at every stage of their lives, of our lives, and each time, as parents, we figure it out — albeit, winging it.

I suspect that when she’s in kindergarten, a sophomore in high school, or a mommy bringing home her newborn baby, I will still have those moments when I am taken aback by the fact that I am a grown-up… but I will hold my head high and confidently do what I need to do as a mom, all the while, feeling like I have no idea what I’m doing at all.

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